Because my growing family and I live in the frozen tundra and nobody else related to me does...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Write that Down

Okay guys. Now, upon discussing this blog with the chicks at work, they were giggling and pointing out that because of my chosen profession, readers might take what is written here as medical advice. This is in no way anything other than the musings of myself, people I know who take care of pregnant women, deliver babies, take care of babies/kids and take care of all ages. So needless to say, we're way underqualified to give people any medical advice. Just a joke, but seriously, this has absolutely no medical information written that is meant to be taken as law. Talk to your own doctors people.

Back to the chicks at work. A small group of us were discussing water birth today at work. This is a fascination that I do not understand. The only experience that I have with waterbirth is learning about what can go wrong (in medical school), watching on discovery channel and you tube and reading about it in various non-medical texts like 'What to expect when you're expecting."

An aside about this book. As a physician, I felt it was inappropriate for me to purchase this book. I'm supposed to know what's in this book. What if one of my patients who asks my advice on, well, everything related to pregnancy sees me buying this book? The truth is, I've never read the book or even cracked it open, but I was determined to make this a normal pregnancy just like everyone else has, so what was I to do? My clairvoyant, and dashingly handsome, husband solved this issue by buying it for me as a christmas gift to avoid any awkward baby book aisle scenarios. I'm pleased to say that of what I've read, I already knew 95% of it. The rest is the not-so-mainstream stuff like water birth, accupuncture, etc. All stuff that I'm sure is fine and well, but just isn't on my daily radar.

So that's how we got to talking about water birth. While I hear what they're preaching with the 'gentle transition into life', there are multiple things I don't understand about this concept.

1. I'm not allowed to get in a hot tub because the sustained maternal temperature elevation is stressful to the baby. The average temp in the kind of bath that I like to take is between scalding and melting your skin off, so how is it healthy for my baby to be in this environment for an extended period of time during the already most stressful time of it's existence (aka the big squeeze/delivery)? Would I literally be cooking my bun in the oven/tub?

2. Also, the jury is out as to when you actually get into the tub. Is this an all day affair or just as we're crowning? I'm not a fan of lukewarm bathwater or hypothermia or pruney hands and feet so my tolerance for the amount of time in this thing is limited. What if the tub isn't cleaned properly (like a hotel tub...gross) and there are innumerous peoples yucky skin cells/germs, dust, and general grossness floating around in this water I've been soaking in for hours.

3. How big is the tub? Is the doctor gonna fit in there with me? Will she have enough room to cut an episiotomy or turn my dystocia-type baby? Will she be able to flip my epidural-limp body over to help facilitate delivery when I'm soaking wet? There are those that love and that hate external fetal monitoring (aka the lines that strap you to the bed to see the babies heart rate and the contractions). I am a first time mom who is somewhat of a spaz when it comes to the safety of my unborn child so I will definitely be indulging in fetal monitoring. If I want a water birth ( I think you all know the chances of that happening), will strapping me to this monitoring machine and tossing me in the tub be akin to strapping a plugged-in hairdryer to my belly and tossing me in the tub? If so, I'm just not very interested in that. There are just too many logistics that I have neither the time or desire to research. I'm sure it's a great experience. It's just not a great experience that I will be participating in.

Don't be offended people. If you had a water birth and it was great, I'm happy for you. Maybe on my fifth delivery, when the thing could just as easily fall out while watching TV as if I was laying in a tub, it'll be a consideration then. I also heard about a water birth in the ocean. This is a whole different kind of scary that we're not even going in to here. Sharks are not a part of my birthing plan.

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